Dear White Man
Dear White Man,
I know, life is hard sometimes. I do understand that your life is not perfect. I do understand that you struggle. That you also suffer from low self-esteem. That you went through a divorce. That your broken childhood fucked you up. That you met a lot of obstacles and that you overcame them. I’m genuinely happy for you that you did, really. That you are happy. Everyone deserves to be happy.
Anyway, you still need to learn how to shut up sometimes.
If you are a white, hetero, cis, middle-class man: you have all rights to exist and to express your opinion in public debate. But just stop thinking that you and your kind have an exclusive right to the debate. You are not the only one who can speak. You are not the only one that should be listened to. And public debate is not only about talking, it is about listening. And you are all over the bloody public debate. Dear White Man, just shut up for a little while, so other people will be able to claim a voice of their own. And by the way, there are certain areas, where you simply don’t have a say.
First: abortion. Just shut up. If you are not a woman, or have never been, just shut the fuck up about questions concerning women’s bodies and our right to self-determination. Dear White Man, you do not own my body, and you will never get to control it, either through laws or personally. So just shut up about it, you really don’t have a say.
Secondly: racism. Here, you really need to learn to shut up. You have no right, whatsoever, to tell non-white people how they should feel about racism and what is racist and what is not racist. Just face it, White Man, you are not in the position to determine this. You have absolutely no idea – so shut up. I know that you will probably understand this as a reduction of your already massive privileges, but really, being racist is not a privilege. And it’s not part of your human rights or whatever to define racism for other people who might actually have to experience it on a daily basis while you have absolutely no idea how it feels. So just shut up.
Thirdly: same-sex marriage. White Man, I understand your frustration. It must be a horrible feeling to be a part of a huge organised institution with hundred thousands of members, and your opinion is not the only one that counts. Again, you must perceive this as a massive reduction of your privileges. Dear White Man, you have to understand that you don’t own religion. You can stand there and wave your Bible booklet and find support for all your views, but big surprise, so can we. And dear little straight White Man, just shut the fuck up about things you don’t understand.
Fourthly: everywhere.
Everywhere, in job meetings, in the media, in political debates, in the pub, we hear all these male voices.
So please. Dear White Man, if you want to do something good for the world, just shut up a little. You’re hurting my ears with your nagging. I want to hear other voices. But that won’t happen until you shut up. So I ask you, politely this time: Please shut up.
I am a white male. I will never be censored. Not by you; not by anybody. The answer is not for me to stop voicing my opinion, it’s for you to strengthen yours. Perhaps not resorting to swearing is a good start.
Strengthen our voices is something we are struggling to do all the time – but are constantly silent by men who are terrified of losing their power by listening to others. If you are not white, male and straight your voice is automatically being silenced, ignored and censored, and that is something you have to live with or being forced to constantly speak up against it if you want people to listen. If you are not a white man, that is.
It’s not about white men not being allowed an opinion, it’s just that their opinion is considered to be more valuable – and that men are socialised into being loud and always expressing their opinion about everyone and everything, while women are taught to be silent and adaptive. If things are going to change, some people in the world who are already extremely privileged will have to give up their privileges, that is a fact.
Swearing can in some cases be a great way to express anger.
Your tone is quite different than in your original post… perhaps I should re-adjust my tone too then :) So, I was mostly concerned about the idea that has been floating around that just because you are a heterosexual white male, you should feel some kind of embarrassment because of the numerous people who happen to also be heterosexual white males who express bigoted opinions.
This, in my opinion, is not me. I don’t like being grouped into a box with people like Glen Beck or Rush Limbaugh. In fact, it is a kind of prejudice in itself to consider all heterosexual white male opinions to be the same. This I don’t like because I may actually be trying to present an opinion that you agree with, but if I’m assumed to have a certain opinion before I say anything, what can I do? I’m always wrong or a typical heterosexual white male. That’s not fair if a heterosexual white male does it to any other group, so why is the opposite ok?
People might say that “we’ve” had our way with society since language existed, or even before; however, this is saying that each h-w-male is a representation of every h-w-male that ever existed. This is not in any way true and of course it is unfair. I didn’t participate in the slave trade, I never supported laws against homosexuals, I was never a NAZI German, I never engaged in any of the numerous atrocities that “my people” engaged in.
In my opinion, anyone who tries to link me to atrocities are not being fair. We all come from the same gene pool if you go back far enough; ergo, we all are equally guilty of such offenses, if you want to be that ridiculous.
So, I am a kind of feminist actually; however, I am for the empowerment of women, not the disempowerment of men.
As for the swearing thing, perhaps I came across in a way that I didn’t intend. I’m not some crazy anti-swearing weirdo: I swear with my friends all the time. I just think that when you’re talking about a serious issue like you are, people will take your opinion more seriously if you don’t swear. But, you are right: swearing can be a great way to express anger :)
I understand your frustration and it’s a valid one. But you need to consider a few things.
First, you should never be embarrassed because of who or what you are. Your skin colour, sex, class background and sexual orientation are not something you can chose – it’s only a matter of chance (luck?). But at the same time, you should not ignore what these categories means – and what position in society you will get based on these. These labels, because they are nothing more than labels, will determine your financial success, how much prejudice and unmotivated hate you will meet, how society and authorities treat you, however you will be taken seriously in a discussion, how healthy you will be and how long you will live. So even though they are nothing more than labels, they are extremely powerful and come with a lot of privileges. So even if it’s not your fault – don’t ignore the fact that it matters. And if you are a w-h-male, you can either lean back and enjoy your privileges, or fight against it for the sake of greater justice and equality for all of us.
Neither should you be responsible for all bigoted opinions expressed by w-h-males. I’m not responsible for all bigoted opinions expressed by white females, but I do feel a kind of responsibility to speak up against it. But even more importantly, I want to hear what the people who were subject of the bigoted views have to say. If a white woman expresses a lot of negative prejudices publicly about, for example, the Romani population in a certain area, I have all rights to speak up against it and my opinion is important – but even more important are the opinions hold by the Romani people. Why should my opinion be so extremely important so I occupy all public space and, as a result, contributes to the silencing of the people whose voices actually are important in this case?
Do you see? Some men suffer from a mass-narcissism. They think their opinion is so extremely important so they forget to listen to others. For example, I watched the television the other day and saw three white men discussing racism. In such situations, I just want to tell them to shut and listen to someone who has real experience, and I mean really listen, not trying to argue or voice their opinions desperately.
Of course I don’t mean that all w-h-males are inherently evil and selfish and can’t listen to others. But a lot of them are, and they need to step back in order for other people to get through. And politely whispering, in a fragile female voice, to these men: “Please could you listen to us for a second…” will not work. It has never worked. So “Shut the fuck up and listen!” might work better. Of course, I know that all powerful politicians will not stop think that they are the centre of the universe after this blog post – but I deliberately used a powerful and aggressive language in order to express the frustration, alienation and anger a lot of women, lgbts and perhaps black people feel as our opinions are constantly silenced, ignored or patronized in the public debate – usually by w-h-males.
I’m sure you are not like that, so you don’t have to feel accused. I know that w-h-males are a group that is not used to being attacked, and often take it very personally. Saying that white men need to shut up sometimes doesn’t mean that YOU, you need to shut up. Only you know if that is true or not and when you would have to listen more and talk less. I don’t feel accused when people of “my kind” are attacked by people who only want equality. If white men would say: “Women/Feminists just need to shut up!” I would be extremely annoyed, because of the fact that white men occupy 90% of the public space and I believe that we need more female and feminist voices. But if black feminists would say: “White feminists just need to shut up and listen to us!”, I would completely understand and agree. Especially if the message was not in my inbox but on a public blog, I would certainly get the message. I also need to shut up sometimes so other voices can be heard. And as I see it, this is not an act of kindness, it’s a responsibility.
I guess our views differ when it comes to power. I wouldn’t say that I’m for the general disempowerment of men, but in a way I am. I’m for complete equality and as the current system is based on men having power over women, they will have to give up some of that power if things are going to be equal. You can call it disempowerment, but I’d call it sharing. ;)
Feministify,
WordPress doesn’t let me reply to your last comment, so I’ll do it here.
Well, our views do differ, I believe, and here’s why… (I’m about to say something that might shock you): I always want absolute freedom of speech mostly because I want to hear what the BIGOTED people have to say. No, that’s not a typo. The problem with silencing anyone is that you don’t get to hear how intelligent or ridiculous they sound, and you can no longer be swayed by their opinions. So, I want to have KKK members parade themselves around like idiots and express their views, precisely for the fact that it gives me the opportunity to respond to them and demonstrate how stupid their beliefs are.
Now, what you are talking about seems not to be so much a problem with individual interactions, but more a problem of media exposure. I agree that there are many instances where h-w-males predominate; however, you can’t hang this on h-w-males in general. I think we must be more specific than that. We need to do the research and find out who is organizing these discussions and arranging for only h-w-males to participate. This is very different, and I of course agree with it.
You know what, I don’t think our views differ that much. But I think you are annoyed because I used an aggressive tone in the post, and because I used “White Man” as a metaphor for general gender and race oppression, especially when it comes to space and talking time. And not only when it comes to media exposure, also on a private level. On the internet, I can voice my opinion in length, but in real life I’m always cut off and interrupted and have a very difficult time getting my views across in a group with men who are talking loudly and constantly. Also, I’m tired of being told by white straight men, in public and in private, how I should feel about my body, sexism and homophobia. They have absolutely no idea, if they don’t learn how to listen first.
Ya, I think we do agree on most points. The one thing that I don’t agree about, however, is the idea that if you aren’t a particular race, gender, sexual orientation, etc, you can’t understand a certain position or circumstance. I don’t know if I can budge you on this, but allow me to try.
Consider this scenario (not a real one): I am a h-w-male who grows up in a black ghetto and goes on to study race relations and is so interested in it that I go on to get a masters degree and then a doctorate in the same major. All the while, I am volunteering to council inner-city youth and coaching a basketball team in my black ghetto.
Now, consider case two of a black man growing up in that same ghetto, finishes high school, goes to a university but drops out because his grades are not good enough. Goes on to become a construction worker and never develops an interest in race studies and never discusses this with his friends because he thinks it’s too political and doesn’t consider himself political.
Does the black man have more of a right to discuss race relations than the hypothetical me? I don’t think so. I understand that experience is very important in these cases; however, higher education cannot be dismissed outright. The example I gave is extreme, but of course, these extremes do exist, so it allows us to see that a line must be drawn somewhere.
Now, this doesn’t mean that a white man who studies economics can go on a talk show and talk about the black man’s plight. That’s ridiculous. But generalizing *all* white people as aloof in this way is not realistic. It must be based on every individual, not their skin or gender or religion or sexual preference, etc.
Good job at missing the point, as evidenced by your response.
Don’t worry, we hear your opinion. All the damned time (oops, I sweared).
Trust me when I tell you that those who are not white straight males don’t need to hear your opinion on OUR experience or language usage.
Why is it that we must be twice as forceful to be heard (then we get labeled angry, told to “stop swearing”, etc), but you have to do absolutely nothing to continue to enjoy your space.
In order for everyone to get a fair shot at being heard, that means those who are already heard TOO MUCH on every damned topic need to learn to be quiet, especially on topics of which they have no personal experience or knowledge.
Why would you feel that your opinion is most important on a topic in which you have never personally experienced that situation?
Ironically, you totally missed my point. People must be judged as individuals, not by their race, gender, etc. In short, you are advocating for racism and sexism. I am against such beliefs. Each person needs to demonstrate their worth on their own and self-pitying isn’t going to acheive that.
Wait a minute. The example you gave in one of your posts: do you seriously mean that you, as a white and probably middle-class man, with all the opportunities to go to university, supported to develop a political and intellectual interest (probably directly derived from your white middle-class parents who have encouraged you all your life to study and go on to further education), with no personal experience of racial discrimination, knows more about racism than a black, working-class woman or man just because you read about it in a BOOK? I think you really need to get back to reality here.
And all this talk about that we shouldn’t care about individual characteristics. Skin colour, gender, religion and sexual orientation MATTER, at least for those who are not white straight men – because we have to face discrimination, be ridiculed and patronized, have a constant fear of not being taken seriously, be intimidated by random people on the streets, be subjected to hate-motivated crimes and violence etc. etc. All because of skin colour, gender, sexuality and religion! To ignore these labels as they have no significance whatsoever is both ignorant and deeply humiliating for those who have to deal with a lot of shit on a daily basis because of it.
Your comment assumes that your opinions are intrinsically worth more, thus demonstrating the point that Feministifythis was making.
I would also note that assuming that you have nothing to learn from listening is a self fulfilling prophecy.
My comment assumes that my opinions are intrinsically worth more? Really? I’d like you to actually point out something I said that indicates that. I looked over my comment and I can only see that I am demanding equality.
Also, strangely, your second point doesn’t apply to me either. You said that I said that I assumed that I have nothing to learn from listening. Really? Where did I say that? I did not. This is quite ironic. This means that you weren’t listening to me. So, enjoy your own self-fulfilling prophecy. :P
Direct quote 1 : ” The answer is not for me to stop voicing my opinion, it’s for you to strengthen yours. ”
In other words: my opinions are stronger, those of others are weaker and they should learn to argue better.
This also carries an implication, at least that I saw, that you don’t need to listen to other opinions until they achieve a level of strength equivalent to yours.
That second point was probably a misinterpretation on my part, and for which I apologise.
I stand my my interpretation of the first point that you consider your opinions as a white male to be stronger than others.
The confusion comes into what you are interpreting as “my opinion” it seems. When I say “my opinion” that is exactly what I mean. I don’t mean “white men’s opinions.” My point is that I, as an individual, should not be stopped from voicing my opinion. When I say you, I mean every individual (the original poster here specifically, but it applies to everyone). Essentially, what I am saying is that everyone has to strengthen their opinion (i.e. educate oneself, know how to argue, etc) in order to engage in the discussion; nobody should be silenced. I understand that pronouns can confuse the situation sometimes. Your interpretation of my sentence is possible, I see now, but that’s not what I was saying.
If you read the other posts I’ve made here, I think you’ll see that I’m not arguing that certain people have better abilities to argue; rather, I’m arguing that nobody should be limited in their speech regardless of how much other members of their race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. have already spoken. Each individual should be considered individually. Other heterosexual white males do not necessarily have the same opinions as me. If another h-w-male has spoken, then, my turn should not be given up because we have certain qualities in common.
The example of the white male that I gave grew up in a black ghetto. Maybe you didn’t read that part. This is why his opinion can be more valuable than someone who happens to be black. He has grown up in the environment and has studied it. So, does this hypothetical white man have a voice regarding race relations? I think so. Further, he had a greater voice than many black people considering his background. My point is that being black alone or being a woman alone does not mean you necessarily have more to say about race or women’s issues, respectively.
I read that part. But what does it really matter if the white man grew up in a “black ghetto” – he’s still white. And there is a reason why he goes to university and have the time and energy and encouragement to develop a political interest and a need for voicing his opinion publicly, whereas the black man, growing up under similar circumstances, becomes a politically passive construction worker. It’s not a coincident. So even if you grow up in a “black ghetto”, being white will give you a ticket out from there: a ticket to financial success, higher education, time to develop intellectual interests and most importantly a ticket to the public sphere. After his university degree the white man will probably move out to a white suburb, but the black construction worker has no opportunity to do the same thing. Why? Well, back to square one: Racism.
Yes, and my point with the original post is to say that you actually have way more to say about women’s issues and racism if you ARE woman or black.
Are serious right now? All black people don’t live in the ghetto, but I bet even blacks who live in suburbia can attest to the racism that they have experience?
The white guy who lives in the ghetto can only attest to what he many have witnessed. In short,he doesn’t know better than a black person about the personal experience of living in the ghetto.
Stop trying to find an angle, ANY ANGLE, where the white voice would be more important than a black person’s on racism.
In short, as stated earlier, probably time to start talking LESS on a subject you don’t know shit about.
Do you know a lot about this subject?
And I never said that race, gender, etc, are not important. I said that nobody should be lumped in with their race or gender. That includes whites and males. Just because Johnny Racist is a white male and says black people are evil, doesn’t mean I am in any way reflected by his comments.
I am a white person. When people talk about white racists, I am never personally offended because I understand that the people whom the racism hurts financially, physically, emotionally, etc. matters less than the fact that I might mistakenly get called a racist. Being called a racist is not worse than racism. Cut the shit.
I never said being called a racist is worse than racism. I said neglecting a white person’s opinion is also racism.
Ft and notime,
With the logic you have laid out here, if you walked into a black studies course and saw that your professor was white you wouldn’t even give him a chance and walk out. Sorry, but that’s racism.
I think you have still missed the point actually. This is not about that we refuse to listen to any opinion voiced by a white man. It is just that white men get an unproportionate amount of space almost everywhere in society, even in areas where they are a minority or lacking personal experience. I would give a white male professor in black studies or gender studies a chance, absolutely, like anyone else. But I would assume that such a professor would be aware of power structure, gendered relations and the nature of oppression, and thus not claiming to be an expert in black people’s or women’s experience of opression and emotive response on discrimination. And if it’s a good professor, he would include a wide range of voices and experiences, at least in this area of study.
I’m a white person and I often argue for the rights of non-white people, but I would never claim to represent black people’s voice or any bullshit like that. I argue against racial oppression, but I do it from a white person’s perspective and I will never get away from that. And when I voice any opinions about racial oppression, I better be damn careful as I, whether I like it or not, get a lot of privileges in society because of my skin colour. One thing I can do is to listen to people who have actually experienced racial discrimination.
I would though, be very suspicious if a university only employed white male professors teaching in black studies. The universities are dominated by white men, so I think I can do without their expertise in gender studies and black studies.
Let me turn this argument on its head to reinforce my point.
The white professor of black studies is talking about the various struggles of black citizens in America which exist even today. A black undergrad stands up suddenly and says, “prof, this is an exaggeration. Things are fine for black people these days”
Now, what can you say in such a situation? Of course the white professor’s opinion hold’s greater weight than the black undergrad’s.
The Great Antagonizer,
The authority of a professor, regardless of skin colour or gender, is not unquestionable. The professor’s words are not a universal truth. Just because she or he may have dedicated her/his whole life into studies about a particular topic, it does not mean that people without the same level of education or academic power hold opinions that are less significant.
You talk about hypothetical examples. If a black student said to a white professor in black studies that racism against blacks doesn’t exist – well, of course all black people don’t have the same experience.
I go to university, and it happens quite often that some women say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with how women are representated in the media and that they have never been influenced by it. But I have completely different experiences. When you speak, you are not representing your “race” or “gender” or anything.
And this what we are trying to say. One individual white man doesn’t represent all white men. But the problem is that white men occupy a massive amount of space everywhere. This is because of structures of power in the society. If you are a white straight man, that is a ticket to getting your voice heard.
And even if I wanted to refuse to listen to white men’s opinion, I couldn’t. It is completely impossible to silence that group because they have all the power in society. I hear white men ALL THE TIME. Other groups, on the other hand, can easily be silenced – by white men. The power relation is imbalanced. And when you say: “can white men just shut up a little so I’ll be able to hear other opinions,” this is usually met by something that can be called “white rage” – which is something that occurs in white men that experience a perceived reduction of their privileges. And this rage is extremely powerful – much more powerful than black people being angry, or feminists being angry. Those emotions are quickly oppressed, ridiculed and patronized by white men and their power.
Well, i hope that after our discussion, you are not grouping me into this white-rage you are talking about. If I have any rage it would be a fairness-rage, but I don’t actually feel any rage. I hate when anyone tries to make the world an uneven playing field. I am critical of racists and misogynists, of course. But this has become standard these days. I think we always need to be vigilant about who else is creating an unfair situation. That is what I’m doing here. I have no problem with feminists, as I’ve said, I consider myself a feminist (depending on how the term is defined). I have no worries about my power going away or someone “taking it” from me. I always enjoy seeing young girls take on a more aggressive role (I don’t associate aggressiveness with men – it’s a quality we’ve allowed men to claim as our own and it’s a good quality as long as it isn’t physical aggression). I believe that my genuine views have been conflated a number of times in this discussion with those of a simple racist or misogynist. Hopefully I’ve expressed here that my argumentation is a little more subtle than that.
I understand (from what you’ve written) that you are neither a misogynist nor a racist. But even feminists argue about feminism.
The aim of this blog is to create a space where people whose voices are not usually listened to get listened to. This means people who are not white, straight men. The reason is that there are already so many virtual (and physical) places in where white men occupy more than 85 % of the space. Ok, now I haven’t written so many posts yet but there is where I want this blog to be heading.
And it may be worth mentioning that this is not about “giving” anyone a voice. These people already have a voice and sometimes a strong voice, but they are not listened to anyway. So it’s about Listening. Even if it means that it will sometimes be a little uncomfortable for me. I may forward and discuss criticism that actually is aimed at myself – perhaps not personally but people who “belong” to my social groups. Such as white feminists, such as able-bodied feminists, such as young feminists, such as cis-gendered female feminists and lgbt-right activists etc. I don’t have to defend myself as someone who belong to all these categories, because I know that they are actually giving me massive privileges and that this hurts other people.
I just think that people who are given extra power by society (even though they didn’t ask for it) should be a bit extra careful in how they use it. For me, that is the best thing you can do if you are a feminist and you have structural power.
Black studies would have to be taught by a professor who is very different than MOST professors.
The white studies professor is, if he or she is worth their salt, is going to tell about black studies from the PERSPECTIVE OF BLACK PEOPLE.
Not HIS perspective of what is was like as a WHITE person. And, that professor had better be sensitive enough to realize that if a black person contests his interpretation, he had probably be quiet and LISTEN because that student’s perspective and experience is going to be worth a hell of alot on a subject in which their experience actually affects their life.
So, your comparison doesn’t hold up for two reasons:
1. Your white example is telling about his experience living around black people. That is not the same as a professor who would be worthy of teaching black studies AS LONG AS THE PROFESSOR TAUGHT BY WAY OF BLACK PERSPECTIVE.
2.
Your first point is exactly what I am arguing.
How could a white professor who has spent half of his life dedicated to studying black issues and black history not be aware enough to be sensitive to the opinions of black students? Is it even possible that he wouldn’t be?? What kind of white person spends their life devoted to black studies? People like Rush Limbaugh?? NO! That’s stupid to think that that’s even possible. It would be people who understand the struggle of black people FAR better than you.
Also, most undergraduates don’t know their head from their ass. Sorry, it’s true. If I were a professor and a studet gave a ridiculous opinion in any subject regardless of their skin colour, I would not give them a podium to spread their views. They haven’t studied the material and their experience may not be generizable. Black studies cannot be a collection of individual black stories alone. That would be pointless. It needs a narrative supported by numerous stories. If a black student says “white people employed slavery because white people are evil” i don’t need to take this opinion seriously.
A black studies perspective is only worth their salt if they tell the story from the perspective of black accounts of black studies. If a black student has something to say, if that professor should be taken seriously,he or she would be quiet and listen to the actual black person talking about their personal experience.
This comparison doesn’t hold up because talking about racism while deferring to black accounts is not the same as a white guy who grew up around black people. He didn’t experience racism as a black person. So, no, his opinion doesn’t matter more than black people living racism.
If you’ve been to college, you would know that there are plenty of subjects being taught by people who are ill equipped to teach them. The professor would get a chance, but if he started acting like a horse’s ass who thought he knows more about racism than black people, I would drop his or her class.
What you are talking about is prejudice. Racism is prejudice plus power. If I drop the professor’s class, there will be no shortage of white people who will line up to congratulate themselves on taking a black studies class, even if he acts like his knowledge of racism supersedes any black person’s.
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